Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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