The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
