I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
