so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
