Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
