wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
