The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
