I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
