I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
