Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
