Pants 0. Shit 1.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
