I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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