dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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