I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
being pregnant is like rehab
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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