btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
