TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Houston, we have a blender
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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