It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
