life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
