oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
