There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
