Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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