I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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