i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
