HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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