I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
