weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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