worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
