i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
