im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
