I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize