youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
