I'm lost and stupid without you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize