you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
