Say something about gay babies.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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