Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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