: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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