Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
