Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize