I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
