Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
