Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
