Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
