You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Holy sore nipples Batman
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
