R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
