Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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