In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
be right there i have to get my cape
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
