Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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