Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My Sexting was not on an AP level
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
