I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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