You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
