i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
