It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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