The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
