I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
