I love black thongs
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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