You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm at about main and main street
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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