): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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