i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
