I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i will never coherently bang her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
