Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
