I just pynch a tree in the face
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
