Quick, to the slutcave!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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