I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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