I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
