Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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