I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
a search helicopter?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize