1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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