Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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