Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
