dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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