I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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