My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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