Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
